Relationships and relationship maintenance involve communication, behavior (teachings + outlook on things), and overall interpersonal skills (communication+behavior). Below are some key points I thought of to navigate and maintain relationships (personally and business wise); some key points include my own experiences, trainings/background knowledge, and/or what I have witnessed other individuals go through within relationships.
When I think of having and maintaining personal relationships, a couple of things come to mind:
(1) Respect and like yourself first because if you have no respect and love for yourself first, it will be impossible for you to do it to others. What I have observed and experienced is that oftentimes people who have a disdain and disliking of themselves most oftentimes are abusive towards others (especially ppl in management positions), become jealous towards others ( which I deem extremely dangerous; jealous people are extremely dangerous people), and live and operate in complete misery. Just think, if people with these characteristics operate and live like this, what do you think they will do to you. You will have to judge for yourself though how much you are willing to take, and the adjustments you are willing to make with said person.
(2) Respect others; there will be disagreements, misunderstandings, however, meeting people where they are, and compromising goes a long way.
(A) Too, I cannot stress this enough, be very very careful how you treat people, you never know whose who, who is connected to who, and who that person may become. The person you are mistreating maybe the very person you need help from; the person you are mistreating could hold the key to not only your destiny but other opportunities. Too, the most quietest person that doesn’t bother anyone can be the most dangerous. In general, people fail to realize not only the law of karma in mistreating others but they fail to realize that some people have a special place in this universe and calling, and if you mess with these type of people, you can literally not only curse yourself but your family. Overall, I am unprofessionally stating in this sentence that everyone is not to be fucked with … simple as that :) LOL.
(3) Be honest and authentic; I’d rather deal with someone that will say to me and acknowledge that they are a B#tch and can be nasty to people rather than someone who acts as such but says they are not; moreover, I’d rather deal with someone that tells me they want to be in a relationship with me and another person rather than sneaking behind my back. The point of it all is that either way, though as humans we get on each other nerves and brag/joke on how dumb another person is/can be, deep down we know through intuition if someone is lying to us, so you might as well be honest because the truth will eventually come out, and when it comes out, it may come out worse than how you intended it to.
(4) Listen to others. My mother used to tell me, “you are not listening to me”, as I would stand and watch her talk to me. It took me years to understand what she meant by this despite me standing in front of her watching her talk. What she meant by this is that, as she was talking I was thinking in my own head of what I was going to say next instead of me actively consuming and thinking about her words.
(5) Understand that everyone will not like you and that is ok (you will not be for everyone). Everyone will not agree with you and that is ok.
(6) You can’t expect people to do what you did for them. I have had to learn this. I can’t expect everyone to have the same sentiments, mannerism, and expectations that I have. For instance, if I do something for someone, I can not expect them to think in the same manner to do the same for me. In terms of general relationships, we as people like surprises, and like the idea of someone knowing what is on our mind to surprise us with a favor or gift we may have always wanted, but in reality some people literally be in another head space when it comes to situations, scenarios, and doing things for others. There is a great book called The Five Love Language by Gary Chapman that focuses on what acts of love people like, whereas some people’s love language/liking is spending quality time with a loved one, whereas someone else may like material gifts as an expression of love from someone. In some cases, it’s best to ask others what they want or what they like because if you give them what you think they should have, this can come across as you doing the perceived act of kindness for yourself and/or for your own selfish gain.
(7) If people don’t deal with you and/or don’t want any contact/connection to you, learn to leave them alone. Sometimes people need their space to grasp/process a situation that may have been harmful to them, so it’s best to give people their space, and not become offended when no contact happens and/or they express for you to not have any contact with them. Please keep in mind that sometimes people don’t owe you an explanation of why they may not want any dealings with you as it may (1) cause further confusion for you and/or (2) cause individuals to manipulate the situation.
In terms of business and community relationships, a couple of things come to mind in which it will be the same sentiments listed above including the following below:
(1) Check your intentions. What are your intentions via your actions when interacting and/or maintaining a relationship with someone? Keep in mind that the universe knows all in which nothing is hidden, so it’s best that you handle, interact, and deal with people with no hidden motives but with good intentions. What you put out, comes back.
(2) Put in writing your expectations, agreements, and goals when working with others (the downside to this is that because there has been so much wrongdoing, jealousy, and bad intentions, people are afraid to express their wants or needs from others for fear of it being weaponized against them. This is why the upkeep of honesty and accountability is important). This helps keep everyone on track and ensures accountability.
(3) Have meetings.
(4) Learn to save face. When it comes to a boss, authority figure, and/or someone perceived as being "higher up", it’s best to discuss some disagreements, miscommunication, feedback etc. behind the scenes. Some people have a disliking of individuals in charge, so they attempt to embarrass them in front of others. The person is in charge for a reason, so it's best to respect them.
(5) Communicate and Follow Up. When writing or educating about communication, it’s definitely a deep dive, being that it’s such a broad topic in which everyone has different styles and methods of communication:
(a) Find out what type of communication you prefer. This can be even applied in personal relationships. Do you prefer email, phone calls, texts, letter writing, verbal communication? For instance, some people might not like verbal communication when discussing an issue because they see it as confrontational or aggressive, whereas, you have others who prefer this method that way the tone of communication can be seen (contrarily, in email, the tone can be different).
(b) If communication is stated verbally, don’t hesitate to follow up in email and reiterate what was stated to ensure/confirm the statements.
(c) You may want to obtain a spreadsheet to keep track of your contacts, and the dates of contact, and the conversation that way you can follow up with them and see if their needs have been met. Upon initially contacting various agencies and companies, I notice that they do not follow up, and this is a HUGE RED FLAG for me. Follow up, and let one know the process and how it is going. You don’t want to put someone in a position where they are having to call around or go above your head to get in contact with someone to obtain the answers they need.
(d) Though overall communication in providing follow up, and providing individuals of where one is with a process, please keep in mind that some individuals take on sentiments of not overly sharing and/or exposing certain things for they fear that individuals can mess plans up. So this is something to keep in mind when collaborating with others (knowing that some individuals don’t want to share everything).
(e) Upon contacting someone or someone contacting you, make sure to do follow up communication (and also feel free to reiterate what the initial contact was about within the first follow up conversation). To add to this point too, when first establishing a meeting with someone, make sure to attend that meeting; if you cant make the meeting, just send a simple follow up and state if you can reschedule. Just recently upon my first contact with someone, there was so much unprofessionalism from this particular business owner it was scary (one, he/she asked for us to meet on a specific day/time via phone call, and they never showed up. I took out time from my day to meet with this person. I followed up with them a day later about their absence from the meeting, and they said they were waiting to get information from their client. I replied and stated that he/she could have followed up with me prior to our timed meeting, and stated that they were waiting for a response from their client. This was my first contact and communication with this individual and it was full of drama due to not only their poor communication, but their mentality and way of thinking. Effective communication and follow up can weed out a lot of unnecessary drama. Understand and respect people’s time. This brings me to my next point, which should have been my first point.
(6) Read the room. Maya Angelou once said, “when people show you who you are believe them.” The only thing with this point though is that not a lot of people have good discernment and intuition. Read people, distance yourself, and avoid individuals/people you deem not fit for your goals and/or what you are trying to accomplish, moreover, avoid such people if you think they will bring you harm. This can be a bit tricky though because if you are like me, you see things from so many different perspectives, and the outlook may be, “well, I see this person having this issue, but they maybe good for this over here.” (overall, giving people the benefit of the doubt can be tricky I will admit)
(7) Give Credit where Credit is Due. If someone helped you, don’t hesitate to shout them out every now and then and/or even send them a thank you card every now and then. Also, if you thought of an idea off the back of what someone else did or said, don’t hesitate to give them the credit (on the flip side of things, the person to whom the credit is given should respectfully know how to receive this acknowledgment and not try and shame/degrade the person giving them credit). This brings me to my next point.
(8) Keep in touch. Part of maintaining relationships is staying in touch with people (depending on the nature of the relationship). Don’t hesitate to send a text, email, social media shout out, letter, phone call throughout a year. Keeping in touch should be genuine though, and not revolve around you keeping in touch with them in case you need them or want something from them; it would be you keeping in touch with them because you truly/genuinely value them, their time, what they did/or contributed, to you, and your business/organization. You don’t keep in touch to use people and keep a leash around their neck. This leads me to my next point which is a point I reiterate through all of my body of works.
(9) Refrain from keeping a leash around someone’s neck (meaning, if you help someone, there is no need to hold it over their head, and constantly remind them and others of what you did for them). I find that this destroys relationships, and has individuals not wanting to ask others for help for fear of this (this can be seen as a form of humiliation). We all need one another. Ask for assistance.
(10) Do good by others. Me personally, I am not in the business of doing people wrong, or allowing others to do people wrong or nasty. I will not do business with you if I see these characteristics because what you do to others will bring forth not only karma, but what you do to others, you will eventually do to me. You want to make sure that whatever is done or being done, it comes with good intentions, integrity, honor, and respect for others, and knowing that you genuinely want the best for others. This builds trust.
(11) Try not to be envious of the help (someone helping you). This is a major one. I have witnessed on a number of occasion people helping others, then the person who was helped begin sabotaging, backstabbing, and/or running a smear campaign on the person that helped them. What I have also observed is someone stealing someone else’s idea, money, etc, then lying on the victim so they can skate off into the sunset with the idea, money, etc while everyones else is looking at the other person crazy. My good sound judgment will assume that people do this because their ego and low self esteem cannot accept the fact that they were helped and vulnerable at one point, so they engage in reverse psychology to flip the situation of the low self esteem and vulnerability they had, to the one that helped them; so now that a smear campaign has been ran (depending on the person), the helper is then put in a position of vulnerability trying to protect their name and reputation. This is a sick twisted psychological game that a lot of people engage in, and it’s important to read people for who they are when this happens especially if you have witnessed them do it to others.
(12) Don’t hesitate to ask/communicate with someone if something was said about you and/or if a situation happened (gossip, slander, etc); There is tendency for individuals to forge wedges between others based on lies told, and/or someone putting bad seeds in someone’s head. I don’t deem this confrontational, however, it is totally understandable if others do. It’s just important to get down to the bottom of things, and though you may “confront” and ask if something was said and/or if a situation happened, and they can lie, at least you did your part and asked them, the rest falls on them. Sometimes relationships fall apart, and there maybe no contact for years over a simple lie, then years later upon making up, you find out that a lie broke you up, and broke up what could have been years of friendship and/or business relationship. It is very important for individuals you are involved with, for communication to take place (ask the questions).
(13) Learn to have a sense of confidentiality within your relationships. When something is shared with you, or if you are the person sharing the information, you may want to communicate that you want it to remain confidential. In some cases, those that possess a good amount of wisdom and discernment will know what to keep confidential.
(14) Try not to take everything personal. What people say or do to you is reflection of themselves, and their mindset. If what is said to you, doesn’t apply to you, let it go, but if what is said to you can somehow bring forth growth to you, then definitely apply it (weed out what works and doesn’t work for you). In terms of critique and/or feedback, when what is said to you does not apply to you, depending on who it is coming from, definitely check your body language, and don’t let it be known that you do not care about the feedback or what was said to you, this may come across as you not being able to handle feedback, or you “being hard to work with.” For instance, there was an individual I was giving feedback to that I knew would help her, and she kept being so defensive and taking things personal, though I had to accept where she stood mentally, unfortunately, I just had to admit to myself that unfortunately I was unable to continue working with her as I saw this reoccurring pattern of her taking things too personal.
(15) Try not to be in your head about a lot of things because what you think, just may not be. This is where people have a tendency to control and overly control others and situations in general. Sometimes it’s ok to just accept situation and people for who they are and move on.
(16) Always be willing to learn and learn from others; we don’t know everything. What you learn, be willing to teach to others. I will say upon working with managers and individuals in leadership positions, there tends to be a lot of ego, and most of the times, unfortunately, I am looking at them with the side eye and a sense of slight embarrassment because of their pride, their “high horse,” and their “nose being tooted in the air.” This shit is actually embarrassing for me to witness, and oftentimes, I may look pass working with said individual. I most oftentimes hold them accountable though, and provide feedback/critique in some cases (not everything deserves a response, feedback, etc, however, I attempt to help when I want to). To provide grace though, most people are afraid to admit they don’t know something or need help with something because its (1) always a person lurking waiting to take their spot/position and/or (2) if they admit they don’t know something, they most oftentimes are disrespected and talked down to by the person that is helping them (I find this to be the case with a lot of small business owners who need help). They are afraid to ask for help because they are seen as a person that “should know” when in fact some are learning as they go, and that is ok. Overall, I am just not in the business of people being disrespected and talked down to, so this behavior coming from individuals in leadership positions (manager, supervisors, etc) and people supposedly helping small business owners is not tolerable in my eyes.
(17) Never forget where you came from and where you started. Again, as it relates to managers and people in leadership positions I have helped, they tend to forget that they once started where the people they are managing started. It’s important to be humble in all things because just as it was given to you, it can be taken from you.
(18) To build relationships and social skills, involve yourself in meaningful social activities, civic engagement, and volunteerism. Here you will see people in another light and establish meaningful relationships based on similar likes. Too, you come in contact with business owners, community activists, and agencies making impact for your community.
Upon discussing the positive side of building and maintaining relationships as adults, I do want to point out some of the downsides of building and maintaining relationships, one being that since relationships are literally like a spiderweb where one person is connected to another, what is tough about keeping and maintaining relationships is that a person you may not deal with who has done harm towards you, maybe connected or friends with someone you are actually friends with (or do business with). Interestingly, you may see this person in one light and from another perspective that may not be so great, whereas a friend of yours (or business partner) may see them in a totally different and more positive light. This can be tricky, but I can suggest weighing your options of what type of harm was done to you, and if it was a harm deemed detrimental, you may have to cut off the relationship. Another downside of building and maintaining relationships would be the overall responsibility of the relationship itself, meaning that there are some qualities, characteristics, and attributes you may possess that may not be fitting to keep the relationship. For instance, I have always been an individual that moved to the beat of my own drum, never cared what people said or thought of me, and am pretty blunt with my words and communication, however, I understand that being that I am connected to, and have relationships with certain people, that I have to, to an extent care what comes out of my mouth at times and my actions because I can sever a relationship and/or tie. That being said, relationships are a two way street, and it is not just about me, I have to consider other people, and not be selfish of other people’s place and disposition within a situation. Final but Im sure there is more, people oftentimes have a tendency not to communicate their needs and wants for fear of the opposite being done. I have seen this happen many times, people communicate a need/ want, and the other person will use it against them or go with the opposite of what they wanted. If someone comes to you and communicate a matter, and/or express a need or want, make sure to honor it ( i.e. a roomate mentions they will be washing clothes at a certain time and you purposely keep your clothes in the washer/dryer after they communicated to you what they were going to do).
In conclusion, building and maintaining relationships can be both great and hard work; it can be challenging and rewarding as you work through the ups and downs, the valleys, mountains, and peaks. You will look back and appreciate the process that got you where you are and molded you ( sometimes it will be for you, and sometimes it will be getting you ready for the next person). I have witnessed so much wrongdoing amongst individuals, the dysfunction, and the lack of communication, and interpersonal skills needed to keep positive and healthy relationships; it’s literally a crisis (probability issue) whereas people just don’t know how to act, conduct themselves, nor engage with others; there is so much dysfunctionality across all barriers. Seeing an entire generation operating in so much dysfunctionality due to lack of life skills and communication skills, it would be great if the education system in this country would incorporate life skills, interpersonal communication, and relationship building in the curriculums around the country so that the future wont be as highly dysfunctional as it is now; its important for individuals to know how to properly navigate life; this will keep people, relationships, communities, and therefore cities healthy.
Misc items: (1) never return back to what or who tried to break you. Forgive no doubt, however, forgiveness does not mean allowing someone attempting to harm you back in your life (2) Most oftentimes if a distraction is taking place, it’s either taking your attention away from an important matter you have to tend to (which can be missed because of your focus on the distraction), and/or there maybe a blessing within that distraction (3) Some people are committed to misunderstanding you. If you find yourself going in the same loop communicating with someone, and/or drama constantly surrounds the communication, or they constantly need you to further explain, most likely they are not interested in understanding you, and there maybe a hint of jealousy towards you from this person (4) Establish firm boundaries with people, if you partake in a particular work, its not good to be too easily accessible (5) Failures and disappointments will happen, you might as well learn and appreciate them just as much as your wins.
W - Jan 29, 2026 11am-2:00pm (Time Art) - Dancing Goats